We are strong believers in turning the page and starting a new chapter. Usually when something is done, it is done, now and forever. However, it is possible to rekindle old friendships like old relationships without running into the same problems all over again. Recently, we had a brief discussion with our other sister regarding whether or not a person should leave the past in the past or let bygones be bygones.
If you have an old friendship that you would like to revisit, here are a few tips to jump start that relationship.
First and foremost, you have to ask yourself, what about this person and relationship makes me even consider if the juice is worth the squeeze? Why do you want to rekindle this friendship in the first place? Write down a list of pros and cons. Ask yourself, do you truly miss this person in your life or do you just miss the entertainment.
With that being said.....
You cannot revisit an old friendship without sitting down to discuss where the breakdown happened which is also known as "here's where you has me messed up at." In order to move any step further, having this conversation is a must. One would hope that enough time has passed and the two of you are better people. You have had room to grow and learn from your mistakes. You've had time to do some self work and soul searching. Maybe some of the same ick's no longer bother you anymore and both parties are able to take accountability. Now if you are in mid-discussion and you end up at the same fork in the road with no resolution, then you know sparking that old flame is not worth it and it's best to move forward in different directions of your lives.
This piece here is only for small mishaps that caused a breakdown. If the problem was something detrimental or life altering, DO NOT try to bring that old thing back. You will end up with more heartache than before.
Understand this as well..........
Not everyone wants to rekindle an old friendship no matter how minor the breakdown may have been. You should enter the discussion with low expectations and be willing to except whatever outcome happens especially if you are the reason for why the breakdown happened in the first place. Sometimes the consequence of our words and/or actions is that we have to accept people walking out of our lives and potentially never returning.
If you have decided to move forward and you have hashed things out, the best thing to do is to take it slow. I know it may be easy to go back to how it used to be but remember, you both have grown. You have to get to know each other all over again. What new boundaries you have established for your life? What new interests you may have? What common interests you may have? These are things to take into consideration before assuming your friend is who he/she was months or years ago. You need time to build trust in one another again. So try meeting at a mutual place where you can still enjoy the time spent but also so you can chit chat.
You want to make sure you remain consistent. After years of going without one another, it is easy to fall back into old habits as you have been used to not having this person in your life for a while. Make your intentions clear and let them know you want to be in their life just as much as they want to be in yours. It is important to show up. This also rebuilds trust. Believe it or not, by not showing up it will make you and/or your friend questions whether or not the other party was sincere about rekindling the relationship.
Not every relationship needs to be rehashed but whether you decide to reconnect or not, it is important to do the work for yourself first. Make sure that you have healed and are ready to move on with the life you are choosing to live. Ultimately, people come/go but you have to be able to have peace and stability in your life and with whom you choose to have around you.
Let us know, have you ever rekindled an old relationship or friendship? Did it work out in your favor? Were you the one responsible for the breakdown? If so, how did you seek forgiveness and get your friend back? Leave a comment below and let us know what approach you took. Maybe it can help someone else in this same situation.